ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
