You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
