im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
