Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
