Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
