Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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