Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
