Sry I called you an 8
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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