i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
