I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
