I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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