just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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