Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize