My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
