hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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