I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize