found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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