So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
