wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
