Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
