yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
