K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
