Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
