my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
