She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
