I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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