FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you mean i was at the winter classic?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
