I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize