so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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