we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I party with great urgency now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
