my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Barsexuality is the new black.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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