Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
