i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
