She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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