some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
