My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
someone owes me an orgasm
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
