Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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