i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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