The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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