My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
