Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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