I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
