i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
