Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
