You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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