I want to have your abortion
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
