I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
