I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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