Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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