Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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