Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
