man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
