All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
