C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
