I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
vagina is talking i cant
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
