Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
