Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
