Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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