ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
