My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize