I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize