i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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