It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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