White coat. Heels.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
