you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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