Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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