don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
