maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
