I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
