Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize