btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize