After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize